Lies and Ammends

Let me first address the lies I have told you.

If you keep up with this blog, you may recall that I told you that I returned from the future with the information that Americans are not idiots and we would never elect Donny Dump. I tried to convince you that you are not surrounded by idiots. I practically pleaded with you to have faith in each other.

Sorry about that.

While I did return from the future, I thought it was best to lie to you about the election. You are surrounded by idiots. I just was not ready for you to know that yet. You are ready now.

Another lie I told you was that I would not be making a cameo in my latest movie Pulling Push Doors. Well, I made a cameo and it is awesome.

Now that that is out of the way, I hope we can move on in an honest way. I will not lie to you again. I promise you that if I am ever dishonest with you it will only be because I didn’t mean to be or because I thought it would be funny.

Now then, I’m hitting the road soon and I’m taking you all with me.

So let’s talk a little more about my wallet.

                                          

                                                                            See?

Back in 2016 I became interested in the idea that I might be pickpocketed. I was down in Bogota and I purchased a decoy wallet. The wallet boasts Angus Young from AC/DC, and I keep things in it that I think would really disappoint a thief.  Hang in there, because I am going somewhere with this: I got the wallet in Colombia, travelled with it to New York, The Netherlands, Ukraine, and Poland. I will be taking it with me to Mexico, Spain, and Uganda (assuming it doesn’t get stolen.) I really want my former guidance counselor to still be alive and reading this right now. Hey Mr. Whateveryournamewas, remember you said I wasn’t going anywhere? Well, my decoy wallet has been more place than you have.

I told you I was an artist.

Yeah gang, we are off to Mexico in a bit. Our first stop will be Districto Federal for a little dancing and some art. I hope to report on street food and the Spanish language as I understand it.

I will be talking about the new movie a lot, but let’s get into that a bit later.

As always, keep your passport in your front pocket and pack the kind of underwear you can wash in the shower.  I’m going to check out three continents this summer.

Wanna come?